Every time I try to explain to people my enthusiasm for lipsticks, it is always followed with either astonishment or a cold stare, which is obviously telling me I have a problem. I can't really register since when I have developed the unspeakable obsession with lipsticks. It's not until when my whole collection grows from 1 lipstick to almost 50 of them that I start to look for a reasonable logic behind it.
I can still remember clearly the scenario of buying my very first "fancy" lipstick. It was a Yves Saint Laurent, my first and until today my favorite brand for lipsticks. A friend posted a selfie on WeChat, saying that she just bought a new YSL lipstick from House of Fraser. I remember how closely I examined that picture and the rose-pinkish color of her lips just somehow drew my full attention. After that, there's a sudden urge inside that simply made me drop whatever I was doing and go directly to the YSL counter in House of Fraser to find that particular rose-pink color. I just picked up the one that looked most likely the rose-pink color. Without trying it on, I paid at the cashier and the very first lipstick came into my possession. People say that we have special feelings for the very first. I guess that's the reason why YSL holds an irreplaceable spot in my heart and half of my collection is from YSL.
More than three years from then on, collecting lipsticks becomes one of my hobbies, as well as an outlet for unsolved pressure and unplaced pride. One thing that people are most confused about is what the difference it really makes to have so many lipsticks when they look just exactly the same on you. I was so furious and equally confused about how people cannot see they are completely different colors or shades. To me, they are just like different people with different personalities. They are living pieces of art.
However, as my collection expands and covers many other brands, I have come to understand those people, because I often find myself lose words to describe colors other than "pink" "red" "orange" "purple" "Bordeaux". They are so different colors, but I am unable to name them. I feel like a failure to be the owner of my precious lipsticks. People don't really care about which shade or which brand of lipstick you are wearing today. They don't even care if you have lipstick at all. Forty or one, YSL or Chanel, red or purple, all that means nothing to anybody else. I am the only person who can tell them apart. Thus, vanity is not the motive.
Eventually, I realize no matter how self-conscious I am, at the end of day, what other people think does not matter at all. All that matters is how I feel, what I think. So if 50 lipsticks means 50 possibilities of being myself, why not just be the proud owner of them. The logic of my lipstick craze finally becomes clear to me. I keep buying them even though I already have a lifetime supply of lipsticks, simply because they make me feel differently, as if I could become a whole new person when wearing a new color. That bright shade of pink or red on my lips gives me confidence that nothing or nobody can. This is the magic lipstick can do to me: it brings out the best of me when I can't do it myself.